


Aftercare

by JayJe



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Adoption, Alcohol Abuse, Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Children, Drug Use, Foster Care, Gen, Homicide mentioned, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Abuse, Swearing, Trauma, Violence, other warnings not mentioned, the only reason Hotch doesn't rip his hair out is because he doesn't want to go bald
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22647241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayJe/pseuds/JayJe
Summary: Aaron and Haley Hotchner have been fostering multiple children for years and believe they have a pretty good handle on taking care of troubled children. However, one case tests the limits of their abilities as parents with all of the children. Additionally, the new girl with the downcast blue eyes forces some of the children to grow up faster than they're ready.JJ-centric but team focused.**Warnings inside**
Comments: 22
Kudos: 118





	1. The Girl in the Closet

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is my first Criminal Minds story in years (and first one on AO3 - I'll add to fanfiction.net when I remember my login information) and my first multi-chapter story in a long time. I'm currently also working on a historical fantasy Criminal Minds story but won't be posting that story until the bulk of it is written. It'll be JJ/Emily. 
> 
> This one has no pairings (besides Aaron and Haley Hotchner) because all of the BAU children will be children....
> 
> I don't own anything. 
> 
> This story is rated M for discussion and exploration of recovering from sensitive topics. There will be details and scenes depicting drug/alcohol use, child/sex abuse, homicide, swearing, and violence to cover the majority. I will not be posting warnings in front of every chapter, do not start this story if you feel you may be triggered. If you would like to message me and ask for an advanced warning to specific chapters, I can provide you with individualized warnings. That being said, this chapter discusses most of the above warnings advised.

“We have a girl in here.” A cop stood outside an opened closet with a startled expression. 

“Excuse me?” His Sergeant inquired. “There’s no record of a child living here.”

Currently, a group of narcotic task force officers were clearing out a house after completing a search and seizure warrant. Inside they found 23 grams of methamphetamine, 16 grams of heroin, 5 grams of fentanyl, and various other illegal narcotics. In addition to the substances, they found numerous plastic bags, scales, and various materials used to manufacture and deliver their narcotics. 

Additionally, sitting handcuffed in a couple cop shops were the homeowners and three additional buyers. The homeowners were a long term couple that had been previously arrested numerous times for narcotic possession charges but hadn’t been hooked up with any manufacturing charges. Their last arrests were about seven years prior and never would have hit the police radar until an undercover caught wind of a new batch being sold by some up and ups. 

The listed couple, Michael and Sandra Jareau, had two children, Roslyn and Jennifer, that were reported to have never been seen inside the house and assumed living with their grandparents. 

However, by the cop’s outcry, the Sergeant peered into the closet and observed a frail, blonde girl who looked no older than two huddled underneath a soiled and tattered blanket. Her hair was matted down and dirt coated every inch of her skin. Based on the puddles and stench observed, the Sergeant would testify that the child had not been bathed for weeks and probably lived exclusively inside the closet. 

The Sergeant knelt outside the door and watched as the child curled into herself against the wall furthest from the door. He whispered to his subordinate, “Find a female officer, then contact Child Protective Services. Make sure Jones clears the rest of the house. The Jareau’s have two children.”

With the younger officer gone, the Sergeant tilted his head and smiled at the young child. “Hi there, my name is Charlie Abernath but that’s a mouthful so you can call me Charlie.” He laughed when he saw the child’s lips twitch slightly in amusement. “Are you Jennifer?”

Almost immediately, he watched the child pull the soiled blanket above her head to block the Sergeant from looking at her any longer. Rather than continuing to press the child for an answer, he simply observed her while waiting for a female officer. The blanket was barely larger than a dish rag and he hoped the stains on the blanket were a result of old food stains rather than the other questionable substances he observed in the closet. 

Hearing movement at the front door, he looked over his shoulder to see a female officer entering and meeting Officer Jones. He watched Officer Jones give a defeated shake of his head before pointing toward the Sergeant. 

He stood up and walked toward the female officer, formally known as Officer Martinez. She looked at him, “Officer Taylor is on the phone with CPS right now, they’re going to meet us at the hospital to take custody of the child.”

Sergeant Abernath sighed, “Did Officer Jones find any evidence of another child staying here?”

Officer Martinez looked toward the closet for a brief second before whispering, “I’m sorry, sir, she didn’t make it. Officer Jones is calling Special Victims, Homicide, and the medical examiner's office.”

“Shit.” Sergeant Abernath tensed. He rubbed his hands down his face and exhaled slowly. “Okay, see if you can get the child to trust you. If she doesn’t come willingly, just be as gentle as you can. Then ride with her to the hospital and I’ll meet you there.”

“Yes, sir.” Before Sergeant Abernath was out of earshot, Officer Martinez could have sworn she heard him muttering, “I hate this job.”

She turned toward the closet and slowly approached. When she looked inside, she made a mental note to be scheduling an appointment with her psychologist to ease the nightmares that would surely follow after this. She took a seat on the floor outside the closet. Looking at the girl peeking at her from behind her blanket, she smiled. “Hi.” 

She sat outside the door for a few minutes just letting the child stare at her. When she heard the ambulance approaching the house, she addressed the girl again. “My name is Karina. That blanket doesn’t look very warm.”

The girl pulled the cloth further toward her mouth and blinked.

“I have some friends outside. They drive this really cool car that’s shaped like a box. They’ll let you ride with them and I know they have a much warmer blanket inside. Do you want to come with me?”

Nothing. 

“Is it alright if I take you to them?”

Still nothing. Only silence and stares. 

Officer Martinez unfolded her legs and balanced herself on the balls of her feet. She inched her way forward with her arms open. “I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

When she still got no reaction from the child, she pulled the blanket away from the girl’s hands and tossed it to the side to be forgotten. The child tensed and quickly placed her left thumb in her mouth and began to suck anxiously. 

Gently, Officer Martinez picked the girl up by her armpits and pulled her toward her chest. The child quickly wrapped both of her legs around Officer Martinez’s waist and curled both of her tiny, bruised arms into her own chest. Then she tucked her head into Officer Martinez’s neck and continued to suck her thumb. 

With one hand caressing the back of the child’s head, the other held the child beneath the child’s bottom and Officer Martinez cringed at the damp clothing the child was forced to live in. 

Internally seething, she prayed the arrested family spent the rest of their miserable lives in jail. 

She walked outside and silently thanked the other officers for the wide berth they created for the child and quickly climbed into the back of the ambulance. 

The paramedics grabbed her a blanket and Officer Martinez wrapped it tightly around the girl. She began to ask Officer Martinez preliminary questions regarding the child’s name, age, and any observed injuries. Her partner jumped into the driver’s seat of the ambulance and started driving toward the Virginia Children’s Hospital with the lights and sirens assisting their transport. 

When the high pitched wailing of the sirens started echoing throughout the ambulance, Officer Martinez felt the child shifting until the young girls hands were clasped tightly over her ears while her eyes were squeezed shut. 

Gathering the attention of the paramedic across the box, she pointed to the young child. Immediately understanding, the paramedic rose from her seat and knocked on the window to the front where her partner drove. “Think we can go just lights?”

Immediately her partner silenced the sirens and drove through the early hours of morning solely with lights. 

With no immediate medical emergency presenting itself, the paramedics were not authorized to conduct any medical assessments for a child under the age of 18. Therefore, the rest of the drive was completed in comfortable silence. 

During the drive, Officer Martinez felt the young girl shift in her lap and pull the blanket over her head before pressing her forehead into the Officer’s vest below her collarbone. Unable to see the child, Officer Martinez gently rocked her side to side hoping to ease the trembling she felt encompassing the girl’s entire body. 

Once they arrived at the hospital, a nurse directed Officer Martinez to a private examination room while the paramedic filed the entry paperwork at the emergency room desk. 

Alone inside the examination room, Officer Martinez settled the young child onto the hospital bed. She immediately curled up beneath the blanket from the ambulance and attempted to cover every inch of exposed skin from prying eyes. 

A young, petite nurse in light pink knocked gently before entering through the door. Behind her was an older woman dressed in business casual clothing and a clipboard. “Hi there, I’m Nurse Jordan Todd and this is Ms. Erin Strauss. She’s currently completing a hospital rotation with Child Protective Services and will be taking guardianship of Ms. Jareau until she’s placed with a home. How is Jennifer doing?”

Nurse Jordan walked toward the covered child in the bed and immediately noticed a damp patch spreading beneath the child. She frowned slightly in sympathy. “I see. Let’s get you cleaned up and checked out so you don’t have to stay here for too long. How does that sound?”

Like with everyone before her, the child did not respond. If anything, her trembling was more prevalent than before. 

Nurse Jordan grabbed a basin and filled it with water and soaked a cloth while humming the entire time. She placed the basin at the end of the bed and gathered a dressing gown and a toddler pull up for when they were finished. Then very gently she reached toward the blanket covering the child’s head. “I’m going to take this blanket off of you, okay?” With very little resistance, she was able to pull the fabric away from the child and noticed the matted hair and gaunt, dull eyes. The child looked terrified and sucked furiously on her thumb. Internally seething, Nurse Jordan smiled brightly at the child. “Aw, you’re just an adorable young girl, aren’t you?”

She made quick work of wringing the excess water from the cloth in the basin and slowly reached toward the child. Cringing, she watched as the child flinched just before the cloth touched her dirt coated skin. She placed her left hand behind the child’s head and soothingly rubbed her thumb up and down as she continued to bathe the child. “I know, baby, we’re almost done and then I’ll get you a warm blanket and some surprises, just hang on a little bit.” 

Meanwhile, Officer Martinez was pulled aside toward the entrance of the room and recounted her statement with Ms. Strauss. Once that was done, Erin Strauss looked pensive before stepping outside the room to make a phone call. She didn’t lose her view of the child but contacted one of the family’s in foster care that she knew had experience handling more specialized cases. 

After one ring, she heard the gruff male voice on the other end of the line pick up, “Aaron Hotchner.”

“Hotchner,” she started, “It’s Strauss. I have an emergency placement for you. We’ll head over there once we’re cleared with the hospital staff. I’ll explain when I get there. This one’s bad. Keep the boys away.” Before she hung up, she could swear that she heard him frowning on the other end of the line. 

Normally she wouldn’t pair children like Jennifer with kids similar to the ones is the Hotchner’s care, but normally she also wouldn’t pair children like Jennifer with any other caregiver. 

When she was done, she noticed Officer Martinez speaking with Sergeant Abernath outside the room. Sergeant Abernath looked pensive and exhausted. She approached him quickly. “Sergeant Abernath.” She addressed him.

He turned toward her. “Ms. Strauss. I apologize that we never meet under better circumstances.”

“No apologies needed, sir.” She handed him a business card with an address and phone number scribbled on the back. “We’re both working toward the same goals for these children. This is my case number as well as address and phone number for the family she will be staying with.”

“Thank you.” He took the card and ran his hand through his graying hair. “I don’t suppose that you could keep me updated on her? This one’s hitting a little closer to home than most.”

“Of course.” She turned to enter back into the examination room before she paused and turned back toward him one final time. “For my own report, may I ask what the charges will be?”

She watched him exhale before answering. “Initially, ‘Manufacturing a controlled substance with intent to deliver’ for three counts and ‘Possession of a controlled substance - Penalty Group I and II.’ Then we found the girl and now we’re adding, ‘negligent child abuse,’ ‘child endangerment,’ and ‘negligent homicide’ for her sister.”

Erin Strauss mentally swore everything she could think of. She thanked both officers and entered back into the room. 

Upon entering, she observed Jennifer cleaned and dressed in a hospital gown. Her thumb in her mouth had been replaced by a pacifier and one arm clutched a stuffed lion and the other a soft, purple blanket. She was curled on her side with her legs as close to her chest as she was physically able. She was watching both the nurse and the female doctor that had entered with rapt attention. However, her tears had long dried and her trembling was minimal if not non-existent. 

Erin Strauss watched quietly while the medical staff completed their assessment and paperwork. When the doctor turned and approached her, she smiled slightly. 

The doctor began, “She’s extremely malnourished and will require her guardian to provide high nutrient meals. We’ll provide a liquid supplement prescription for her. She appears to have some difficulty breathing but we didn’t notice any fluid blockage in her lungs but she may have acute asthma. She’ll need a nebulizer to administer treatment and we’ll reassess her again later on. She has noticeable bruising all over her body in various healing stages but didn’t observe any broken bones. I’ll get her prescriptions written up, filled out at the pharmacy, and complete the discharge paperwork. The sooner she gets out of here, the better.”

“Thank you doctor.”

The doctor left and Strauss approached Nurse Jordan and Jennifer slowly. Nurse Jordan was seated on the bed and had convinced Jennifer to sit up. Jennifer was currently leaning her back against Nurse Jordan while getting her long, blonde hair french braided on both sides of her head. She had her knees tucked up to her chest and clutched her lion and blanket near her chin. When Jennifer noticed Strauss approaching, she curled even tighter into herself and Strauss observed Nurse Jordan verbally soothing her quietly. 

Strauss sat down on an empty hospital care and simply watched Nurse Jordan interact with Jennifer. Very seldom did Jennifer stop watching Strauss but Erin found that she didn’t mind. She didn’t want to cause any more unwarranted stress for the child before bringing her to the Hotchner household. 

So until the doctor completed all the paperwork, Strauss simply sat and listened to Nurse Jordan talking animatedly with Jennifer resting back against her and sucking aimlessly on her pacifier.


	2. The Cover Is Not A Book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter. Next chapter will be longer and more complex with more characters introduced. 
> 
> Warnings - Mentions of child abuse and substance abuse. Implied suicide/homicide.

Hotch walked toward the front door after the doorbell echoed through the house. When he received the call from Strauss in the early hours of the morning, he and Haley began preparing the house for a new addition. At breakfast they advised the other children that there would be a new addition when the kids returned from school but didn’t have any more information. 

He opened the door with Haley right behind them. Strauss stood at the door with a file and an emergency diaper bag filled with various necessities. 

Behind her, Hotch observed a young girl that appeared to be around two or three years old but he had a feeling was slightly older. She was standing with a purple blanket wrapped tightly around her and a stuffed lion peeking out near her shoulder. She was noticeably trembling and kept her eyes looking at Hotch’s dress shoes.

Remembering Strauss’ warning the night before about keeping the boys away, Hotch nodded toward Strauss before he stepped back to allow Haley to begin the interaction. 

Haley bent down and placed one knee on the ground and wrapped her arms around the knee bent toward her chest. She dipped her head down a bit to get into the eye sight of the young child. “Hi there, my name is Haley and this is my husband Aaron but everyone calls him Hotch. What’s your name?”

She watched the young girl curl the blanket tighter to herself.

“Are you hungry?” Haley tried again. “I can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and cut it up into little stars. Does that sound like a good idea?” 

After a moment of silence, Haley stood up and held her hand out for the young girl to take. The adults watched as the blonde looked up at Erin with tears falling silently down her cheeks. Erin nodded encouragingly and the girl hesitated slightly before stepping toward Haley but refusing to take her hand.

Haley didn’t show any signs of disappointment and then began talking over her shoulder to the girl following her. “Why don’t we go into the kitchen and get some food while the adults talk, okay?”

Behind them, Hotch took the diaper bag from Strauss and placed it inside the entrance-way near the bottom of the stairs. Then he directed Strauss into the open concept living room adjoining the entrance-way. 

Strauss took a seat on the couch while Hotch sat on an over-sized armchair. Then Strauss placed the file on the coffee table between them. “I’m going to make this quick. She’s been fighting sleep since she was found with officer’s this morning. She reacts better with less people in the room. Her name is Jennifer Jareau, she will be turning four in two months. I don’t know the exact details about her family situation but her parents were arrested for numerous drug charges. When they found Jennifer, she was living in a closet. They found her sister, Roslyn, upstairs.” Before Hotch could inquire about Jennifer’s sister, Strauss held up her hand and continued. “Her sister was found unresponsive in the spare bathroom’s tub with what appeared to be a heroin overdose and signs of self mutilation. She was thirteen.” 

Hotch exhaled slowly. She was about the same age as Emily who just turned fourteen in March.

Before anything else could be said, Haley came running back into the room looking frantic. “I lost her!”

“What?” Hotch stood up abruptly. 

“I looked down for two seconds to put the peanut butter on the bread and when I looked back up, she was gone. The back door is still locked, so I know she’s still in the house, I just can’t find her anywhere!” Haley looked near hysteria. 

“Okay, okay,” Hotch took a moment to collect himself. “She didn’t come through here and go up the stairs. So she’s still somewhere near the back of the house. Have you checked all the cabinets and boy’s rooms?”

“Yes!”

Hotch paused and thought about what Strauss had just told him about Jennifer being found in a closet and fighting sleep. He walked toward the entrance-way and toward the closet underneath the stairs. Very quietly he opened the door and saw Jennifer asleep on the floor against the wall. She was lying with her right cheek using her stuffed lion as a pillow and her blanket wrapped around her. Her arms were tucked underneath her between her chest and the floor. 

“Oh my.” Haley whispered with her palm pressed against her chest above her heart. “Why is she in the closet?”

Hotch stepped away from the door and placed his hand on Haley’s lower back. Quietly, he said, “Why don’t you take Jennifer upstairs and put her in the spare bed in Emily’s room. Then we can look at her file when you come back down, okay?”

Silently, Haley nodded and bent forward to pick up Jennifer and her belongings. She felt Jennifer stir momentarily before settling comfortably with her head against Haley’s shoulder. 

While Haley went upstairs, Hotch stood seething at the prospect of Jennifer’s parents teaching Jennifer into believing that she belonged inside the closet. Sighing, he looked at his watch and observed that the other children would be home in an hour. It was the end of the school year and the kids only had half a day schedules so they would be returning to the house for lunch. 

Not much time passed before Haley joined Hotch and Strauss in the living room again. She pulled the file into her lap and began reading silently while listening to the conversation. 

Strauss explained to the couple that “Jennifer had displayed mild symptoms of asthma that was probably caused by a previous illness. The doctor provided her with treatment that she would need in the morning and before she went to bed. Additionally, she had a supplemental prescription to help increase her body weight. The doctor explained that it was common in children that had endured abuse and was malnourished so the doctor recommended monitoring that she ate all of her food even if they had to be separated into five smaller meals rather than the normal three. The bruises would heal but the doctor noted that there appeared to be a cluster of bruises in various stages of healing around her upper arms as if she had been grabbed roughly. In addition to the bruising on her arms, they noticed multiple stripes of bruising across her back and a few shaped in what appeared to be a belt buckle.”

Hotch nodded along while Strauss spoke. Jennifer wouldn’t be his first case dealing with child abuse or other various problems. All of the children currently in his custody had come from various traumatic situations and eventually they all learned to lean on each other - whether they knew they were doing so or not was a different question. 

After Hotch and Haley finished the intake paperwork, they walked Strauss out the door and said their goodbyes. 

They stood in the entrance-way for a few minutes just pondering the situation they were just handed. Haley had her arms crossed and looked pensive at her husband. “How do you think Emily’s going to handle a new roommate?” 

There was a moment's pause before Hotch exhaled slowly. “She’s going to have to start taking accountability for her actions. I’m worried about Derek though. He’s been acting out more than usual lately.”

Haley stepped forward and rubbed her hands up and down her husband’s arms. “We’ll figure this out, we always do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would y'all prefer shorter chapters (always a minimum of at least 1,000 words) and quicker updates or longer chapters with longer updates?
> 
> Suggestions welcome. Next chapter we'll be introduced to some of the problems with Emily and Derek.


	3. After School Snacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mention of character death.

Around 11:30 am, Hotch and Haley heard the front door open and the sound of excited children talking aimlessly. They walked from the kitchen, through the hallway, and met with the children taking their shoes off at the entrance. 

Emily was texting on her phone while she slipped her shoes off and turned to walk up the stairs. 

“Emily.” Hotch started and waited for her to stop. However, she didn’t look up from her phone. Despite not looking up, Hotch observed her left eyebrow rise slightly in question. “Jennifer arrived this morning and she’ll be staying in your room. I expect you to be more attentive than you have been lately. That means staying off your phone when she needs help or something.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Then she continued back up the stairs without looking up from her phone.

“Emily!” Hotch raised his voice again. He watched her pause again and observed her roll her eyes toward the ceiling. He pinched the bridge of his nose to keep his composure. Lately Emily had been skipping school and sneaking out. Furthermore, she seemed to live inside her phone and began neglecting the responsibility he gave her to keep an eye on the other children. “Where is Derek?” He asked after only observing Emily, Spencer, and Penelope in the entrance-way.

“I don’t know and I don’t care.” Then she turned toward him and narrowed her eyes. “Can I go now?”

If Hotch could have laughed at her ridiculous behavior without having an ulcer, he probably would have. He did not need Emily trampling into her room with her despondent behavior while Jennifer was asleep in the same room. “No,” he answered. Behind him he heard Haley directing Spencer and Penelope into the kitchen for lunch. “Come into the living room, we’re going to have a talk.”

He watched Emily take a deep, calming breath before she slowly lowered her phone and began to descend back down the stairs. 

In the living room, Hotch took the same seat he sat in when Strauss was there and Emily settled into the couch. She stared at Hotch with a look of both boredom and frustration. 

“First, where’s Derek?” He stared back. Emily could try to look intimidating but Hotch knew that she would cave. Despite her protests, she generally cooperated with the rules. It had something or another to do with being a teenager.

“He said he was going to the community center. Since this week is only half a day at school, Carl Buford told him they would spend extra time practicing for the upcoming football season.” Emily raised one eyebrow as a way of non-verbally saying, ‘happy?’

Hotch nodded in response. “I wanted to talk to you about Jennifer.”

“Keep an eye on her, don’t let her wander off, make sure she doesn’t fight with the other kids, don’t forget everyone has their own issues, yada yada yada. Yeah, I’ve heard it all before.” Emily crossed her arms. 

Hotch took a deep breath before he continued. “Emily, you know I appreciate all the help you’ve done, I’m not questioning that. However, Jennifer came to us as an emergency placement. As you know, I can’t disclose her file’s details to you but I was hoping that you could help Jennifer adjust here. When police found her, they also found her sister. Her sister was your age and I feel like she may appreciate someone your age in a new environment.” As he was speaking, he observed the tension leaving Emily’s shoulders and the guarded impression that she carried had cracked slightly.

There was a moment’s pause between the two of them before Emily very quietly asked, “Why didn’t her sister come here with her?”

Hotch tilted his head and made sure Emily was looking at him before he answered, “She didn’t make it.”

After that admission, he watched Emily swallow thickly before nodding her head and standing up to walk upstairs. 

When she was gone, he went into the kitchen to see if Haley needed any help. Immediately he heard the unhinged squeal from Penelope.

“You’re making it wrong!” She gasped. 

Haley had the sensibility to look aghast and play along before asking, “It’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, how can I make it wrong?”

Penelope slapped her palm against her forehead before climbing onto a stool to better see the ingredients on the table. Hotch and Haley always laughed at the dramatic antics the seven year old displayed. 

Then Penelope inhaled deeply before exhaling and looking at Haley with complete seriousness. “You can’t put the jelly on first because then when you spread the jelly, it will be all over the knife. And it can’t be all over the knife because then you’ll put some jelly inside the peanut butter container when you scoop it out. And no one wants leftover jelly in their peanut butter when they’re eating apples! First you scoop and spread the peanut butter and then you squeeze the jelly from the bottle and THEN you spread the jelly. You’re an adult! Have you learned nothing?” She finished by slapping her hands onto the counter and standing on the stool to emphasize her point. 

“You’re right, what was I ever thinking?” Haley laughed and looked at Spencer sitting at the table working on setting up a chessboard. “What do you think, Spencer?”

Spencer didn’t look up when he answered, “I think that you should never argue with Penelope.”

Hotch laughed while Penelope crossed her arms and shook her head triumphantly. 

\--

Upstairs, Emily opened the door to her room and turned on the light. She set her backpack down on the floor next to her desk and jumped onto her bed while pulling her phone out. She turned around to adjust her pillows behind her for support. When she turned back around, she noticed a diaper bag situated on the floor against the spare bed in her room and the covers looked slightly disheveled. 

Emily squinted for a moment while thinking. She couldn’t recall seeing Jennifer downstairs and judging by the appearance in front of her, she assumed that Jennifer should have been sleeping on the spare bed. 

Very quietly, she stood up from her bed and knelt down to look under her bed and then Jennifer’s bed. Finding no one, she crept to the closet in the corner of the room opposite both of their beds. She opened the door gently and her eyes were immediately drawn to the purple bundle hiding between the empty space between the side of the closet and the shoe rack. 

Quietly, so as not to startle the young girl, she gently cleared her throat to get Jennifer’s attention. Immediately, terrified, blue eyes shot up and met hers. “What are you doing in the closet?”

Emily waited a moment for a response but received none - not even a blink. 

Then she continued, “Do you mind if I join you?”

Still no response. 

Emily reached for the shoe rack and pulled it out of the closet and placed it to the side, “Well I feel like sitting in the closet too.” Then Emily sat against the opposite wall and tilted her head while studying Jennifer. 

The only reason Emily knew that Jennifer was even alive was because Jennifer was vigilantly watching every single move that Emily made. 

After sitting in silence for a few moments with Emily tapping her fingers and bobbing her head to an unheard tune, Emily spoke up again. “My name is Emily. I hear that your name is Jennifer?”

She posed it more as a question to keep the very one-sided conversation going, but she observed Jennifer visibly flinch and place her palms against her ears while clenching her eyes shut when Emily called her Jennifer. 

“Hmm,” she paused, “you don’t like that name, huh? I can understand that.”

From her vantage point in the closet, she could see the diaper bag that was left with Jennifer. Knowing Strauss from personal experience, Emily knew that Strauss always labeled each child’s belongings with their name. 

She stood up quietly and walked toward the bag. Just as she thought, she read the name “Jennifer Jareau” scrawled in permanent marker on a piece of duct tape attached to the top of the bag near the handle. Her lips pressed into a thin line while she thought. Absentmindedly, her eyes wandered around her room as if a specific thought would magically transform itself in front of her. 

Then her eyes caught on something resting on her bedside table next to her phone charger. She walked over toward the object and grabbed it before shuffling back over to the closet. She sat down in the same spot as before and looked at Jennifer. Knowing that putting one’s palms against their ears only minimally cancelled out sound, Emily spoke to Jennifer again. “So you don’t like your name. What would you think about if I called you JJ?”

It took a moment, but slowly JJ opened one eye and peered at Emily before relaxing slightly and opening her other eye. She still had her palms against her ears but Emily knew she was listening. 

“Would you be okay if I called you JJ?” She asked again. 

Slowly, JJ lowered her hands and stuck her right thumb in her mouth. She briefly looked away from Emily and then back before settling on the floor between them. Emily almost missed the slight nod from JJ. 

She smiled triumphantly and internally shouted in joy.

Lifting the object from her bedside table in front of her, she began pulling at the edges of the object. “I don’t know about you, JJ, but my favorite part of every day is when I get to eat chocolate.” She said as she tore open the wrapper to her Hershey’s bar. 

Breaking apart a piece, she placed it in her mouth and closed her eyes. “Mmmm!”

When she was done with that piece, she opened her eyes and looked at JJ. She broke apart a new piece and held it out in front of her. “Do you want to try a piece?”

JJ looked at her quizzically, as if searching for an unseen motive that only resulted in pain and bruising. 

Undeterred by JJ’s hesitance, Emily smiled encouragingly. 

Slowly, JJ shifted forward while reaching for the piece of chocolate and staying as far away from Emily as physically able. She grabbed the piece with her left hand and then immediately returned to the far side of the closet. She paused a while longer to look for one final hint at deceit from Emily. Slowly, she took her thumb from her mouth and replaced it with the piece of chocolate. 

Emily wanted to throw her arms in the air in success but she didn’t want to scare JJ. Additionally, her gut felt like it was twisting in anger. When JJ reached for the chocolate, the blanket fell from around her arms and Emily observed very prominent bruising along JJ’s arms. 

Emily swore to herself that JJ would be her responsibility and that she wouldn’t let anymore harm come to the girl. 

When JJ finished her piece of chocolate, Emily observed JJ yawn and rub her eyes with her fists. 

“Today’s been a busy day, hasn’t it?” Emily folded the excess wrapper around the chocolate and placed the remaining chocolate on the floor just outside the closet. “Do you want to go to bed?”

Emily tilted her head toward JJ’s bed while asking her question. Rather than look toward the bed, JJ simply pulled the blanket back around her and laid down on the floor. She returned her right thumb to her mouth and closed her eyes as she sucked. 

Emily frowned. “Well I had a busy day full of tests, I think I’m going to go to sleep too.” 

She stood up long enough to pull the door closed and then settled on the floor of the closet with JJ. 

After a few moments of lying on her back in the dark, she heard JJ shuffling at her feet. A few moments later, Emily felt JJ straddle Emily’s stomach with her legs and then lean forward to rest her left cheek underneath Emily’s chin. 

Emily smiled to herself before gently rubbing one hand up and down JJ’s back and placing her other hand at the nape of JJ’s neck. 

She felt JJ sucking on her thumb against her collarbone while she quickly drifted off to sleep. 

\---

Thirty minutes later, when Haley brought up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for both the girls, she found them curled up on the floor of their closet. She placed one of her palms against her chest and silently awed. 

Quickly, she left to find Hotch and returned a moment later to show him the heartfelt scene. 

Hotch would never admit it, but his eyes may have clouded over with tears as he smiled.


	4. Soap Bubbles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied abuse

Around 4 o’clock in the evening, the slamming of the front door resounded throughout the house. 

Emily had been awake for the past two hours with JJ still sleeping on her chest. She was texting her friends on her phone above her to keep her occupied. But when the door slammed, Emily felt JJ flinch on top of her. 

Not too soon after, she felt JJ start to tremble in her arms. JJ pushed herself up off of Emily’s chest and straddled her stomach. She looked at Emily momentarily confused and started hiccuping with the onset of tears starting to take over. 

“Shhh!” Emily sat up and adjusted JJ on her lap so that Emily could lean against the closet wall. “Shhh, that was probably just Derek. He’s harmless!”

JJ brought her blanket up in front of her and attempted to put her thumb back in her mouth. Her thumb helped soothe her into no longer crying, but she still sniffled in distress. 

Emily slowly reached her arms around JJ so that JJ could watch every move she made and pulled JJ close to her chest. She rubbed her hands up and down JJ’s back repeatedly and hummed softly. 

“Come on.” She whispered. She placed one hand underneath JJ’s diaper soaked bottom and the other cradled the back of JJ’s head. “Let’s get you changed into something a little more comfortable and then we can introduce you to everyone and grab some food, okay?”

She stood up slowly without the help of her hands and managed not to completely fall over. She walked with JJ back toward JJ’s bed and gently sat her on the bed. “This is going to be your bed so you don’t have to sleep in that closet.”

Then she reached toward the foot of the bed and grabbed JJ’s diaper bag from the floor. She pulled it up and placed it right next to JJ. “Let’s see what we have in here, okay?”

Seeing as how the bag was hastily thrown together by the hospital staff, Emily didn’t expect JJ to have many belongings until Hotch or Haley went shopping and bought her some items. Inside, she found a few days worth of pull ups and wipes, a set of pajamas, a dress, and a pacifier. 

When she looked back at JJ, she found that JJ still had her right thumb in her mouth but her left hand was absentmindedly stroking the fur from the mane on the stuffed lion that had been on JJ’s bed. 

“Here.” Emily grabbed the pacifier and turned toward JJ. Then she gently reached for JJ’s right wrist and slowly pulled her hand away from her mouth. Quickly, she held up the pacifier to JJ’s mouth before JJ could start protesting. “This is probably more comfortable than your thumb. Now you can use both hands to play with your lion. Does the lion have a name?” 

JJ looked up at Emily with timid eyes and slowly shook her head ‘no’ but otherwise gave no verbal answer. 

Emily smiled at her and then grabbed one of the pull ups from the bag. “Here, let’s get a clean pull up on so you’re comfortable and then we can go get some snacks!”

JJ was dressed in a blue night dress that the hospital had replaced their gown with. It was slightly large for her but was otherwise clean compared to the clothes she was originally found in. 

Emily picked JJ up from under her armpits and had her stand on the floor in front of her bed. “Can you take the pull up off yourself or do you want help?”

Unbeknownst to Emily, when JJ was living with her parents, they very rarely assisted her with hygiene and never attempted to teach her anything as she grew up. Her older sister had taught her how to walk, although she didn’t get much practice living in a closet, and assisted her with baths and changing when she was physically able to. Roslyn wasn’t old enough to buy JJ anything, so lack of clothing and comfort was not unknown to JJ. When Emily asked her to take off the pull up, JJ simply stood there for the sole reason that she had no idea what Emily was talking about. But she liked Emily, she reminded her of Roslyn and hoped they could both take care of her. So she made the decision to trust Emily until Roslyn came back. 

When JJ didn’t make any movements to take the pull up off, Emily very slowly kept her hands where JJ could see them and gently lifted her dress until she could get her fingers tucked into the top of JJ’s pull up and pull them down. “Step out for me, please?” 

JJ reached out and put her right hand on Emily’s shoulder to balance herself while she stepped out of the pull up. Very quickly, Emily grabbed the clean pull up and separated the material at the waistline before holding the pull up near JJ’s feet. “Can you step into this, please?”

While Emily was pulling the pull up toward JJ’s waist, JJ’s dress lifted up with Emily’s arms. Emily bit her lip to suppress a gasp when she observed bruising on the inside of JJ’s thighs. 

Then she grabbed the used pull up and stood up. She held her hand out for JJ to grab and started walking toward the door. “Come on, let’s throw this away and wash our hands before we go downstairs.”

Inside the hallway bathroom, Emily threw the pull up in the trash and then lifted JJ onto the closed toilet seat. The sink was right next to the toilet and JJ would be able to reach the water from that elevated position. 

Emily turned on the faucet and put her hands underneath the running water for a second before grabbing JJ’s wrists and directing her to keep her hands under the water as well. Then she reached for the soap dispenser and pumped two pumps of liquid soap into her palm. Then she very quickly rubbed her hands together to spread the soap. Once the soap was thoroughly dispersed and there were plenty of soap bubbles on her hand, she grabbed JJ’s little hands and spread a fair amount of soap bubbles onto JJ’s hands. 

“Watch this!” Emily said. Then she rubbed her palms together vigorously until her palms were saturated in bubbles. Very slowly, she separated her palms while keeping her fingertips touching and observed a thin sheet of liquid soap connecting both of her palms. She looked at JJ and grinned before gently blowing the soap and causing a large bubble to blow away from her hands. Before the soap could form a complete sphere, the bubble popped and Emily laughed. 

Once the bubble was popped, Emily looked over at JJ and saw her eyes were crinkled and she had a smile behind her pacifier. 

“Do you want to try?” Emily watched JJ momentarily pause before nodding slightly. Emily grabbed JJ’s pacifier and placed it face up on the counter while making a mental note to get a clip for the pacifier. “Okay, copy me!”

Then they both rubbed their palms together vigorously and attempted to make giant soap bubbles with their hands. Like many children that attempt to blow out birthday candles, JJ blew more spit than air causing the soap to pop. 

Emily laughed as JJ attempted to blow another bubble with almost intense concentration. 

For the next few minutes, Emily and JJ spent their time continuously lathering their hands with soap and trying to make bubbles. 

Then, unexpectedly, Emily observed JJ manage to blow a small bubble after instructions to blow air more gently. Emily’s face lit up in excitement which quickly turned into elated shock when she heard JJ unabashedly giggle. 

So as not to scare JJ back into her shell, Emily cleared her throat and turned her attention to the faucet. “Come on, let’s rinse off and then go get a snack.”

They rinsed the soap off their hands and Emily grabbed a hand towel and dried both their hands. Then she picked up JJ’s pacifier and held it out to her. 

JJ quickly took the pacifier and placed it in her mouth. Then she held her arms up toward Emily in a gesture of silently asking to be held. 

Emily grinned at JJ and then picked JJ up and settled JJ on her left hip. 

Turning the light off to the bathroom, she walked downstairs with JJ sighing with content against her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for the delay on this chapter. Sorry nothing exciting happened here. I figured I'd write something rather than nothing. Next chapter has everyone.


	5. A Bloody Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed the warnings in the tags for the end of this chapter.

Once downstairs, Emily could hear the tell-tale signs that an argument was about to begin. Hotch was knocking on Derek and Spencer’s bedroom door. Additionally, she heard Hotch’s voice raised and telling Derek not to slam the doors inside the house. 

The boy’s room was connected to the hallway leading to the kitchen and Emily could feel JJ tensing more and more in her arms the closer they got to the kitchen. She ran her right hand soothingly along JJ’s back while JJ tucked her forehead into Emily’s neck and shoulder. She felt JJ grab her T-shirt and clench the fabric in her fists while pulling it closer to her chin.

In the hallways leading to the kitchen, Emily saw Hotch look toward them from outside the boy’s room. She saw the moment Hotch registered that JJ was in her arms and how tense she was. Immediately he lowered his fist from the door and appeared apologetic as if recognizing that his raised voice had influenced JJ’s posture. 

Emily continued into the kitchen with Hotch following shortly behind her. She pulled out a stool from underneath the kitchen island and sat down with JJ shifted to sit on the center of her lap. 

Haley turned around from washing the dishes and her face lit up when she saw JJ. 

Emily spoke up before anyone could address JJ as Jennifer. “Hi Haley. JJ and I missed lunch and we were wondering if we could have a snack before dinner?”

Emily caught the slight tilt of Haley’s head at the mention of calling the child in her arms JJ and respected the woman for not asking any questions in front of her. She smiled and reached for a plate that was wrapped with saran wrap. “Of course. The others had sandwiches earlier but you two were napping and we didn’t want to wake you.”

Then Haley pulled the saran wrap off the plate and threw it in the trash. After she grabbed a glass from the cupboard and a sippy cup before filling them both with ice and water. She placed them in front of the girls and then returned to finish her dishes. 

Emily reached toward the plate and grabbed one of the sandwich triangles. With JJ leaning on her chest, she used her left hand to reach over the back of JJ’s head and pull some of her fly-away hairs that fell from her braid away from JJ’s eyes. Then she held the sandwich in front of JJ and felt the young girl direct her attention toward the sandwich. 

Hesitantly, JJ reached toward the sandwich. When Emily’s hand was free, she gently removed the pacifier from JJ’s mouth and placed it on the island counter. 

JJ sat up on Emily’s lap and no longer rested her head against Emily. Like before with the chocolate, JJ looked at Emily for any signs that she would be punished for eating what was given to her. Knowing this, Emily reached for her own piece to eat with JJ. Then JJ brought the sandwich to her mouth and tentatively took a small bite from one of the corners. 

Emily smiled at JJ and then took another bite of her own before leaning her forehead against JJ’s with the most ridiculous closed-mouth smile she could and hummed, “Mmmm!”

In response, JJ leaned back and giggled at Emily’s antics. 

The sound brought the adults in the room to a standstill. Haley stopped washing dishes and Hotch stopped pouring himself a glass of water. Both looked over toward Emily in bewilderment but otherwise remained silent. 

JJ immediately noticed the silence in the room and timidly looked over her shoulder at Hotch and confirmed that the adults in the room were watching her. Suddenly self-conscious, she tucked her head back into the bottom on Emily’s neck. Emily felt JJ start to shake on her lap and rubbed her back gently. 

The silence in the kitchen was short lived. 

In the hallway, the sound of the boy’s bedroom opened and then immediately slammed shut. There was a brief moment of shuffling before the downstairs bathroom door was slammed shut as well. 

Hotch rubbed his hand down his face and sighed. Then he turned and made his way to the downstairs bathroom and heard the sound of the shower start. He knocked twice on the door and tried to keep as much patience in his voice so as not to agitate anyone listening with his frustrations. “Derek, as soon as you’re done in there, we’re going to have a talk.”

“Go away!” Derek’s muffled voice returned. Hotch could have sworn that even through the door, it sounded as if Derek was choking back to keep from crying. He furrowed his brow and chose to voice his concerns about Derek until they discussed his behavior. 

He turned and returned to the kitchen where he observed Spencer and Jack sitting at the table with Spencer attempting to teach Jack how to play chess. 

\-- 

Inside the bathroom, Derek turned the heat on the water as hot as the shower would allow. The steam fogged up the mirror and Derek was reprieved of seeing the monster he allowed himself to become.

He stepped into the shower and let the heat of the water alleviate the frustrations built into his sore and aching muscles. He refused to look at the water washing into the drain because there was no amount of washing that would clean the dirt from his body. Instead he clenched his eyes shut in an attempt to keep the tears from admitting the horrors that he allowed himself to become. 

After standing underneath the water until it ran cold, Derek turned the shower off and made quick work of drying off. He grabbed his discarded clothes from the floor and hastily exited the bathroom and made his way back to the boy’s room. Once inside, he rushed toward the hamper and moved aside the dirty clothes to place the clothes he had in his arms underneath them. 

Then he fell onto his bed and clenched his fists to keep himself from standing up and breaking everything in the room. 

After a while of internally tearing himself apart, his body fell into a nightmare fueled sleep.

He momentarily woke long enough to hear someone enter the room, walk across to the closet, and then leave. 

Around seven, he woke up and went into the kitchen to sit with everyone around the dining table for dinner. He tried to ignore the stares from Hotch and Haley - though he did observe that the new blonde girl never took her eyes off him while sitting in Emily’s lap - and was ready to bolt as soon as dinner was over. However, the adults had other plans for him.

They released the children to the living room and stayed behind with Derek.

“Look,” Derek started, “I’m sorry for my actions earlier. I won’t slam the doors again.” He had enough sense in him to at least appear apologetic; though he had no intentions of acting on his words.

Hotch took a deep breath and then addressed his concerns. “We appreciate your apology. However, you never used to act out so much before and we’re trying to figure out why. Is it the new children coming in lately?”

“NO!” Derek responded quickly. Then he repeated himself in a quieter acknowledgement, “No. I adore those kids. I wouldn’t want them to be anywhere else. They’ve had it hard enough as it is. Look, just leave it alone, okay? I’ll handle it.”

Hotch took a moment to observe Derek’s demeanor. “Yes, the other kids have had it hard enough. And yes, it’s going to take a while to help the new girl, but that doesn’t mean that you haven’t had it hard either or that we won’t stop helping you.”

Derek leaned back and sighed while looking at the ceiling. “I know. Just, I don’t know, just give me some time.”

Meanwhile, Haley sat next to him silently and appeared to be keeping herself from interrupting the conversation. Then she looked at Hotch for him to nod once before she turned back to Derek. With barely restrained sadness, she addressed the very thing Derek swore that he would never ever admit to anyone - even himself.

“Derek, I took your clothes from the hamper to do the laundry.” She paused and inhaled to calm herself down. When she spoke again, her voice broke, “Why was there blood on your underwear?”


	6. Windowed Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of character deaths and abuse

“Derek, I took your clothes from the hamper to do the laundry.” Haley paused and inhaled to calm herself down. When she spoke again, her voice broke, “Why was there blood on your clothes?”

Derek inhaled sharply and clenched his fist to restrain himself from an outburst. His eyes were glued to the table in front of him. Through clenched teeth, he replied, “I got just a little banged up during football practice. It’s no big deal, okay?”

The stools on the chair scraped against the tile floor as Derek pushed himself from the table. He stood up and made his way back toward his room. In a desperate attempt to get his foster parents off his back, he withheld from slamming the door and eased it closed instead. 

Back in the kitchen, Haley sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Haley looked up at Hotch slowly. She whispered, “He’s lying.”

She watched Hotch nod mutely for a moment; his brow tense. 

She continued, “What are we going to do?”

Hotch looked toward the corner of the room while staring at nothing. “I don’t know.”

\--

Meanwhile, in the living room, the other kids were sitting around the coffee table setting up a game of “Clue,” one of Jack’s favorite games. Before the Hotchner family started fostering other children, Jack had fond memories playing the game with his father during the weekends. Jack felt like he was helping his daddy with cases and Hotch enjoyed seeing Jack take a keen interest in “stopping the bad guys.”

When Hotch and Haley learned that they were unable to conceive any more children, they began fostering children with the intent to adopt. However, one foster child led to two foster children which led to three foster children and now Hotch and Haley had sole custody of five foster children all fighting various legal battles.

Nevertheless, Jack took control of what Emily calls “initiation responsibilities” and taught all the new foster children how to play “Clue” with him. She didn’t think JJ was old enough to learn how to play the game, as evident by JJ’s lack of attention to Jack explaining the rules, but she wouldn’t interrupt his tradition. 

Jack was currently setting up the board game while Spencer was attempting to fluff up the pillow he was going to sit on the floor with. Penelope had a self-assigned bean bag chair that she refused to share. And Emily was sitting on the couch against the front wall attempting to keep JJ from falling over as she stood against the back of the couch pushing the curtains from the window. 

“JJ, sweetie, why don’t you sit down on the couch so you don’t fall over?” Emily turned around and grabbed JJ underneath her arms and pulled her back down toward her lap. However, JJ didn’t stay on her lap and crawled off Emily’s lap before standing up to look back out the window. She appeared to be looking for something, almost hopeful, but Emily couldn’t guess what it was. “JJ, no! You’re going to fall.”

Again, Emily reached for JJ but she wasn’t expecting JJ to lash back. JJ dropped her pacifier from her mouth and screeched while pulling away and shielding her face from Emily. 

Momentarily stunned, Emily held her hands up away from JJ in an attempt to show JJ that she meant no harm. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s just me. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” 

Emily watched JJ attempt to walk to the other end of the couch on shaking legs away from her. She fell a few times but once she reached the end of the couch, she regained her footing and returned to looking out the window. 

“Is everything okay in here?” The kids, aside from JJ, turned their attention to the foyer where Hotch and Haley just entered from the kitchen. When the kids didn’t respond, Hotch redirected his question, “What happened?”

Jack, Spencer, and Penelope all turned their attention toward Emily. Emily briefly rolled her eyes, _Fucking snitches,_ she thought. She looked toward JJ one last time to ensure she wasn’t about to fall backwards before turning toward Hotch and answering his question. “I’m not exactly sure. I keep trying to get JJ to sit down but she won’t listen. I reached for her again and she just screamed.”

Emily observed Hotch nod while watching JJ for a moment longer. Then he turned toward Haley and whispered something that she couldn’t hear from across the room. 

She saw Haley swallow before walking around the other kids and sitting on a cushioned chair near the couch. Haley made eye contact with Emily for a moment before turning her sole attention to the child before her, “JJ, can we talk for a moment?”

Meanwhile, Hotch stepped into the room and gathered the attention of the rest of the children. “It’s been a long day, why don’t we all go back to our rooms and get ready for bed?” He posed it as a question but left no room for argument. While the rest of the children collectively groaned, Emily didn’t leave her seat on the couch. “Emily, that includes you.”

With one last look at JJ, Emily stood up from the couch and walked toward the foyer. She turned back and observed that Hotch had stepped into the living room with his back turned toward her but his attention on JJ. She sat down on the bottom of the stairs and listened to Haley try to talk to JJ. 

Inside the living room, Haley kept her attention solely on JJ. First, to ensure that she didn’t fall backward, and second, to keep an eye on JJ’s reaction to her questions. “JJ? Are you looking for someone?”

JJ pulled her left hand to her mouth and began sucking her thumb but she nodded in response. 

Haley continued, “Are you looking for Roslyn?”

JJ’s back straightened a minuscule but nonetheless noticeably. Her head turned and she looked toward Haley but not at her. JJ nodded hopefully as if Haley knew where Roslyn was. 

Haley wanted to reach out. She wanted to tuck the fallen strands of JJ’s hair behind her ears. She ached to rub her hands soothingly along JJ’s back. And she desperately longed for the chance to pull JJ toward her and tuck JJ’s head beneath her chin while she rocked her side to side. But instead she sat across from JJ and swallowed thickly to relieve some of the tension the lump in her throat was creating. 

She inhaled deeply and spoke softly, “JJ, sweetie, Roslyn’s not going to come here.” Haley watched JJ’s head tilt to the side and continued talking to JJ. “Roslyn was hurt very badly by the same people that hurt you. She went very, very far away but she’s happy now.” By now, Haley was barely able to keep her voice from catching while she spoke but JJ’s innocence and confusion made the whole process more difficult than when she had to help Penelope with her parent’s deaths. 

A sharp inhale was heard from the stairs but neither of the adults made any attempt to acknowledge it.

Then JJ mumbled around her thumb, “I go with Roz.” Then she sat down on the couch and pushed herself onto the floor. She turned to walk toward the front door before Haley begrudgingly wrapped her arms around JJ and pulled the child back toward her chest. “No! I go!” JJ’s thumb left her mouth and she reached down in an attempt to pull Haley’s arms away from her while screaming.

“JJ, stop.” Haley attempted to keep JJ from squirming. “Stop, you can’t.”

“No!” JJ began crying and her attempts to pull away became more and more futile as exhaustion set in after minutes of screaming and crying.

“I’m so sorry, JJ. I’m so sorry.” Haley whispered in JJ’s ear while soothing down the flyaways of her hair. JJ was sniffling in her arms and had resigned herself to slumping against Haley’s chest. 

After a few moments of JJ sniffling with the occasional hiccups, Haley leaned away from JJ and whispered, “No one’s going to hurt you here. You’re going to be okay.” She took a moment to brush some of the tears from JJ’s downcast eyes. “Come on, I’m sure your throat is hurting from all that screaming. I think we can sneak some ice cream without everyone else knowing.”

Gently, she turned JJ toward her and picked her up. She put one arm underneath JJ’s bottom and realized she needed to be changed and used her other arm to reach for the fallen pacifier that laid on the couch. “I’m sure that diaper’s not comfortable either.” She held the pacifier in front of JJ and let the girl reach for the item herself. 

Then she walked from the living room to get JJ’s treat and get her ready for bed. 

During that time, Hotch turned toward the staircase and observed Emily staring solemnly to where JJ and Haley were sitting a few moments prior. He sat on the same step beside Emily. “Her sister, Roslyn, was about your age. I don’t know what happened in that house but I know it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows. I’m sure you of all people can understand what she’s going through. I’m not asking you to be a foster sibling, but I’ve learned enough about you to know that who you are and who people see are not the same person. If any of this gets to be too difficult for you, whether with JJ or Spencer or Penelope, I need you to tell me. It will be our secret but I’m just as much your guardian as I am theirs.” Hotch paused for a moment and simply observed Emily. 

She continued to stare pensively before sitting straight and rubbing her hands up and down her thighs. Then she mutely shook her head up and down before standing up and walking upstairs to her room. 

Hotch exhaled slowly.


	7. One in the Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***********Trigger warnings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*************
> 
> Mentions and descriptive texts about child sexual abuse/physical abuse (including waterboarding)/emotional abuse.

In Derek and Spencer’s bedroom, Derek sat on his bed with his back leaned against the wall. The phone in his hand was vibrating every few seconds as Derek responded to new messages. 

Across the room, Spencer was sitting on his bed swinging his legs back and forth. When he observed Derek receive yet another text notification, he broke the silence between the two, albeit quietly, “Derek?”

“Yeah, kid?” Derek responded but continued to keep his attention on his phone. 

“Do you think-” Spencer paused as he looked at his fingers picking at his nails. He hesitated just long enough for Derek to look up at him but started talking again before Derek could interrupt him. “Do you think I’ll ever be normal?”

Derek’s lips parted in momentary shock at the question his foster-sibling was asking. “Kid,” he started but struggled to finish. He placed his phone beside him on the bed and leaned his elbow on his knees. He directed his full attention onto Spencer before he answered. “Spencer, you are normal.”

Derek watched as Spencer kept his focus on his fingers and shrugged one of his shoulders. Rather than sit there letting Spencer come up with a refute, Derek asked, “Why on earth would you think you’re not normal?”

“It’s just something-” Spencer paused as his voice broke and he pressed his palms to his eyes in an attempt to force himself not to cry. He inhaled deeply. “Before I came here I heard my father yelling at my mom and sometimes I could hear him yelling at her about me.”

Derek waited in silence while Spencer collected his thoughts. 

“I heard him yell that I would never be normal like the other kids.” Night after night, Spencer laid awake in his bed reliving argument after argument with no chance of reprieve. He knew he was different. He remembered things that he yearned to understand but desperately fought to forget. And no matter how many books he read or games of chess he played, he could never force the memories of his father adamantly professing that Spencer would never be normal. The ache to fit in with the rest of his classmates reignited every time he overheard another child whisper loudly that he was weird or heard the giggles behind his back. “I just-I just sometimes wonder if I’ll ever have friends.”

“Kid, look at me.” Derek waited until Spencer took a deep breath and looked back at him. He saw the rims around his eyes swelling in a red hue while he bit his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “Spencer, you’re six years old. There’s no such thing as normal. The kids your age don’t understand what it’s like to be different and that’s nothing you need to work yourself up over. Twenty years from now, when you’re all adults, you won’t be asking yourself how to fit in, you’ll be asking yourself how to stand out.”

There was a momentary pause between the two boys before Spencer sniffled and then whispered, “Then why didn’t my dad want me?”

Stunned, Derek sat on his bed with his shoulders slumped in defeat. “I don’t know.” He paused. Then he whispered more to himself than Spencer, “I don’t know.”

Not five minutes before, Derek was goading himself into self-loathing. He felt disgusting. The shower earlier did nothing to wash away the feeling of fingers ghosting against his skin - of larger hands gripping his shoulder firmly from behind him. He wanted to scream, he wanted to rub his skin raw. Not five minutes before, he was asking himself what he did to deserve the extra attention. What did he do? Where did he go wrong?

But wasn’t Spencer essentially asking him the exact same thing? Are the demons that plague their nightmares a fault of their own actions?

He would swear day and night that Spencer had no reason to blame himself. Spencer was gifted, he deserved every good thing that happened to him. So why did he sit in the confines of the shadows in his mind whispering to himself the exact opposite? 

Derek wasn’t gifted. He played football and he excelled at the sport but he wouldn’t call himself gifted. Spencer didn’t deserve his father’s abandonment, but maybe Derek deserved Carl Buford’s attention. Spencer was gifted, Derek wasn’t. Maybe that’s where the line was drawn.

\--------

After JJ’s treat, Haley settled JJ on her hip and walked up the stairs to hers and Emily’s room to collect her belongings for a bath. 

Emily was laying on her bed scrolling through her phone. She looked up when Haley walked in but otherwise didn’t say anything. She did, however, offer a small smile and a wave to JJ when JJ looked at her. 

Haley grabbed the diaper bag that Strauss had provided them and pulled out a set of blue pajamas and a pull up. She noted the shortage of inventory in the bag and made a mental note to go to the store the next day or provide a list for Aaron.

“JJ,” Haley started while gently grabbing a section of JJ’s blanket, “why don’t we leave your blanket and lion here so they don’t get dirty and you can sleep with them tonight?”

When JJ felt the blanket being tugged from her hands, she twisted her body toward Haley’s and pulled the blanket between them. She felt Haley tugging a little harder and JJ responded by wiggling in Haley’s grasp and screaming until Haley was forced to stop pulling on the blanket. Haley stopped tugging on the blanket momentarily and JJ used that moment to straighten her legs from around Haley’s hip in a way of asking to be put down. 

Gently, Haley placed JJ’s feet on the ground and was about to ask JJ further questions when she observed JJ bending down and gently placing her blanket and lion on the ground. However, rather than go with Haley toward the bathroom, JJ sniffed and retreated solemnly toward the closet. 

“Wait, JJ…” Haley trailed off. She turned toward Emily’s bed confused. 

Emily thought about JJ’s reaction for a second before shrugging hesitantly. She questioned herself on whether she should divulge her thoughts or not. But JJ wasn’t her and so she didn’t deserve anything that happened to her. “I think she’s so used to having things taken away from her permanently that she thinks you taking the blanket from her is the same thing as when she used to get punished.”

Emily wasn’t stupid. She saw the bruises on JJ’s arms and thighs. Emily knew the process. Abuse didn’t start physically. Whoever hurt JJ started emotionally. They took her comfort and her security away first so that when she started to get abused, she wouldn’t crave the emotional blanket of love and wouldn’t seek to remedy it. JJ became compliant and accepted the behavior. 

Emily watched as Haley cautiously approached the closet. “JJ, sweetie, I’m not taking your blanket or lion away from you, I just didn’t want them to get wet.” She paused and thought for a moment. “What if we put the lion on the counter in the bathroom so that you can see him the entire time but he won’t get wet?”

There appeared to be a visible hesitation from JJ as she looked between her lion on the ground at Haley’s feet and Haley herself. Before agreeing, she looked past Haley toward Emily to try and gauge whether Emily knew Haley’s true intentions to her words. So far, Emily had remained true to her word and JJ wanted to believe that Emily was just like Roz. Briefly, she wondered if Emily and Roz would get along when they meet. 

She watched Emily smile and nod encouragingly and responded to Haley’s question with a nod of her own. 

Haley grinned and reached down to grab the lion and held out her hand for JJ to grab. 

JJ stood back up on shaky legs, using the door-frame for support, and then stumbled toward Haley and grabbed her outstretched hand. When she was cooped up in her closet back at her house, she didn’t get a lot of time to practice walking or running. Now she was finding it hard to force her exhausted legs to keep up with Haley’s longer ones as they walked into the hallway and toward the bathroom at the end of the hall. 

Haley appeared to be patient with her, but JJ could only guess how many times she could trip before Haley became frustrated with her too. 

The bathroom was directly across from the top of the stairs. Right before Haley was going to lead JJ into the bathroom, JJ tripped and fell again. Haley was holding one of her hands to prevent her from falling any further than onto her knees but JJ still felt the shame in needing help when it appeared that no one else did. 

As she worked to stand up again, her eyes caught movement on the stairs and she froze when she observed Hotch halfway up the stairs. She felt her legs freeze and her shoulders tense.

Haley was patient with JJ’s walk to the bathroom and had to restrain herself from shielding JJ from the prospects of failure. She didn’t want JJ to be discouraged from learning. But when JJ fell again right outside the bathroom and didn’t attempt to try again, Haley looked down and observed JJ’s entire body shaking with her attention on the staircase. 

Hotch appeared to notice JJ’s apprehension the same time that Haley noticed JJ shaking. He stopped on the staircase before he reached the top.

“JJ? Sweetie?” Haley gently urged JJ to look up at her to no avail. “JJ, he’s not going to hurt you.”

JJ stayed at her spot on the ground halfway between kneeling and standing. She looked at Hotch like a deer caught in headlights. She felt Haley kneel down next to her and whisper in her ear, “JJ, I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

Haley tucked her hands underneath JJ’s armpits and lifted her onto her hip. She smiled apologetically toward her husband and then walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. 

Inside the bathroom, Haley placed JJ on the ground then turned toward the faucet on the tub. She checked the temperature and added bubbles. Then she turned back toward JJ and brushed some of JJ’s hair from her eyes. Haley could tell JJ was trying not to cry but didn’t know how to help alleviate the pain. She mentally told herself that she would eventually figure out how to help the young girl. In the meantime, she had to be patient with her so as not to further scare JJ. 

While waiting for the bath to fill up, she gently rubbed her hand up and down JJ’s back hoping to help settle some of JJ’s nerves. 

When the bath was filled halfway, Haley whispered, “Let’s get you in the bath now so you can get to sleep soon. It’s been a very long day.” 

She gently pried the lion from JJ’s grip and made a show of placing the lion on the edge of the counter facing toward the tub so JJ could see the lion the entire duration. 

Then she assisted JJ in removing her clothing and diaper. During which time, she thought it appeared as if JJ was shaking even more than she was when she saw Hotch, but she wasn’t confident. She tried to take the pacifier from JJ’s mouth but was immediately met with a face that was fighting a losing battle and began crumbling into more tears. Not expecting to win every battle in one night, she let JJ keep the pacifier during the bath. 

She lifted JJ into the tub and had to fight the urge to cringe at the bruising she saw on JJ’s arms and inside her thighs. She could throw up later. 

Once in the tub, JJ curled her legs to her chest and dipped her forehead to rest against her knees. 

Gently, Haley grabbed the hair bands holding JJ’s braids in place and unraveled her braids. 

Then Haley grabbed a plastic cup on the side of the tub and dipped it into the water. Then she gently poured it over JJ’s hair to wet it before she washed it. The entire time, JJ kept her head down and she continued to shake. 

She reached and grabbed a bottle of two-in-one shampoo and conditioner near the faucet knobs. “Penelope has this really good shampoo that she likes because it’s shaped like a purple dinosaur!” She said while squeezing a little bit into her hand. But despite trying to catch JJ’s attention, the child remained impassive. 

She lathered the product in her hands and then gently massaged it into JJ’s hair. Once she was done, she dipped the plastic cup back into the water. “JJ, can you lean your head back so I can rinse your hair without getting shampoo into your eyes?” 

Haley slowly reached under JJ’s chin and tipped it up before guiding it to where JJ’s head was leaned back. When she brought the cup over JJ’s head to pour the water, JJ immediately pulled away and splashed water on the floor in her haste to shift to the other time. At the same time, her pacifier dropped from her mouth and she screamed. 

Inside JJ’s mind, Haley’s hands were replaced by larger, rougher hands that usually accompanied her during her baths when Roslyn wasn't around. His hands would wander over her body and cause bruises and other pains on parts of her body she didn’t know how to describe. When she would cry from the burning and stinging his fingers left behind, he would tip her head back and pour water on her face to wash away her tears. Instinctively, she began coughing to expel the water in her throat that usually accompanied the onslaught of water in her mouth and nose. 

Immediately dropping the cup into the water, Haley held her hands up defensively. “Hey, JJ, hey! It’s okay! I won’t pour the water. You’re okay! You’re okay!” Slowly, she moved her hands toward JJ’s shoulders and guided her back to a seated position in the tub. She reached into water and grabbed the dropped pacifier. She placed it off to the side to be washed later. “How about I help you lean back into the water so that you can rinse your hair?”

Once JJ realized she wasn’t choking on the water and could feel herself breathing, she relaxed slightly at Haley’s assistance. However, JJ’s eyes remained firmly fixed on the cup floating in the water but otherwise didn’t give any other physical response to Haley’s question. Haley hoped her silence meant that she wouldn’t react so viscerally. She explained every moment she was making and helped ease JJ’s head back into the water before quickly and diligently rinsing the shampoo from JJ’s hair so as not to recap the earlier reaction. 

Then she grabbed a little bit of body wash and lathered the soap spuds onto JJ’s hands where she proceeded to show her how to effectively wash herself without anyone else having to touch her. 

Once JJ was washed, Haley picked her up and immediately wrapped her in a large, fluffy towel. She reached in to drain the tub before helping JJ dry herself off and assisted her in putting her clothes and a pull up back on. She stood up and grabbed JJ’s pacifier from the side of the tub and washed it in the sink before holding it back toward JJ. Immediately, JJ reached for the pacifier and placed it in her mouth and began sucking earnestly. Then Haley handed her the lion as promised and picked JJ up. 

Once settled comfortably on Haley’s hip, JJ immediately let out a yawn around her pacifier and leaned forward to rest her head against Haley’s shoulder. 

“Almost done, sweetie.” Haley gently cooed. “We have to help you with some medicine and then you can go to sleep.” 

Once in JJ and Emily’s room, she settled JJ on her bed and watched as she immediately turned onto her stomach, tucked her legs underneath her, and pulled her blanket toward her face. 

“Hold on, JJ.” Haley quickly moved around the room plugging JJ’s nebulizer into the wall and filled the machine with the appropriate treatment. She kneeled in front of JJ and gently pulled JJ’s pacifier from her mouth while quietly humming to keep JJ calm. “We’re going to put this mask on you for a few minutes and it might be loud, but after that you can sleep all night.”

She wrapped the straps around JJ’s head and rubbed her back while turning on the machine. It started a loud humming noise that caused JJ to immediately cover her ears with both of her palms. 

For the duration of the treatment, she rubbed circles on JJ’s back when she squirmed to get away and readjusted the mask every time she tried to take it off.

Once the ten minutes were up, she turned the machine off and gave JJ her pacifier back. She helped her pull her blanket back up toward her chin and then whispered her goodnights. 

Haley stood up and made to leave the room. At the doorway, she turned back and observed JJ already passed out and Emily lying in her bed while turned on her side and watching JJ. She nodded knowingly and then pulled the door closed but left it open a crack. 

\------------

Meanwhile, in the Hotchner’s bedroom, Hotch received a phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so, so much to the people that are continuously reviewing this story!! It's definitely motivating!!!
> 
> I will have every character going through at least one side story (Rossi will be introduced soon) in the upcoming chapters. But if there's anything specific you guys want to see, I'll gladly try and incorporate it into the story as long as it doesn't interfere with any of the side stories. 
> 
> Thank you again! Stay safe, y'all!


	8. Drinking Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey, sorry this took SO. LONG! I got medically cleared to return back to work after ten months of not being allowed to work. So it's been a whole process of readjusting and I've just had no energy. I kept thinking and thinking and thinking about this story (mostly because it's a catharsis for me - hence all the dark themes) but the bulk of it is primary Penelope focused and I struggled. (Mostly cause I just want to focus on JJ). Then I was going to continue the chapter with a bit of Morgan or maybe start to divulge into what's going to happen with Hotch's storyline, but I decided to just end it with more JJ. (Seriously, she wasn't supposed to be in the chapter.)
> 
> It's not a lot, but it got me off my writer's block and taught me that the best way for me to complete a chapter is to just make sure JJ is in all of them. Sue me. 
> 
> **** Trigger Warning: mentions of alcohol abuse, drinking and driving, and death. Hints of physical abuse.

"Aaron Hotchner" Aaron said into his phone.

He was met with only the muffled static transmitting from the other end of the line and a slow, heavy breath inhaling and exhaling rhythmically. He pulled his phone from his ear and observed the blocked number located on the screen. He returned his phone to his ear momentarily. "This is Aaron Hotchner. To whom am I speaking?" 

Nothing.

Not having the patience to deal with a prank call after all the events of the day, he wordlessly hung up. 

Sighing, he ran a hand down his exhausted face. He deserved a drink. 

Once downstairs, he grabbed a tumbler and a bottle of scotch. He poured two fingers into the glass, raised it to his lips, and closed his eyes in content. The silence of the house embraced him and he allowed his shoulders to relax. The cool scotch slid smoothly down his throat. This moment, devoid of conflict, was a small reprieve in the everlasting chaos that garnered his attention daily. 

He loved his job. He loved his kids. He loved the chaos. But the silence at the end of the day made everything all the more worthwhile. 

That is until he heard the quiet pitter-patter of bare feet against the tiled kitchen floor and the soft inhale from silence's intruder. 

He opened his eyes and looked toward the entrance of the kitchen where Penelope stood with mixed emotions uncontrolled adorning her face and posture. If he had to guess, she was both angry and afraid. 

"You're drinking." She whispered with undaunted valor. Her eyes held a fire of accusatory judgement. 

Cautiously he answered, "I am." 

"Why?" She furrowed her brow and stepped back. 

The tremor in her voice clued Hotch into the real emotions swimming beneath the surface. 

“Penelope,” he paused for a moment to consider the best approach, “is this about your parents?”

She nodded mutely. After a moment she took a deep breath and whispered, “the man that killed my parents was drinking. I don’t- I don’t want you to be like him.”

Hotch placed the glass of Scotch down on the counter and walked toward a stool around the bar-top. He held out his arms for Penelope and she quickly through herself into them. He picked her up and sat on a stool while she tucked her head underneath his chin. Gently, he rubbed soothing circles along her back. “Penelope, I am not the same man that killed your parents. Drinking alcohol doesn’t make anyone a bad person. But it can cause some people to make bad decisions. You have every reason to be mad at the man that killed your parents.”

Penelope whispered into his shoulder, “what if the alcohol causes you to make bad decisions?”

“Well,” he paused momentarily, “then I won’t blame you for being more upset with me than I would be at myself.”

She nodded unconvincingly. 

Hotch took a deep breath and continued. “You know when you’re at the park and another kid comes along and steals one of your toys?” He felt her nod again. “You remember how angry that makes you that you just want to chase after the kid and punch him?” He felt her laugh. “But then you don’t because your mind tells you that’s a bad decision. Well you make good decisions and don’t punch the other kid, but someone else might not think to stop and they would punch that kid. It’s kind of like that. Most people know that driving after they’ve been drinking is a bad decision and they don’t drive, but some people don’t listen to their mind and they still make the decision to drive. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.” She whispered.

“I’m sorry I scared you.” Hotch apologized. 

He felt Penelope lean back in his arms and look up at him. “I think I understand now.”

“How about I put this away,” he tipped his head toward the bottle of scotch, “and then you and I grab a glass of water before you go back to bed. How does that sound?”

“Good.” She crawled off his lap while he went about cleaning up and grabbing them both a glass of water. 

\---------

Around 2 am, Emily woke up dazed and confused. She felt her heart beating rapidly and she was breathing rapidly but she struggled to retain the memories from her dreams. She remembered shadows and hands and pain but didn’t dare divulge herself with the memories those thoughts encompassed. She turned onto her side to reach for the glass of water on her night stand. 

After a few moments of deep breaths and cool water, she looked across the room to check on JJ. 

The bed was disheveled and the covers were thrown toward the foot of the bed. JJ wasn’t in or around the bed and the bedroom door didn’t look different from how Haley had closed it earlier. 

Quietly she tiptoed across the room toward the closet and gently pulled the door open. 

JJ was backed into the left corner of the room, lying face down with her knees tucked toward her chest. Her pacifier had fallen to the ground and was replaced with her thumb. Her stuffed animal was tucked into the crook of her elbow and the blanket was wrapped snugly around her shoulders. 

Emily sighed quietly. She returned to her bed to grab herself a pillow and her comforter before returning to the closet and lying herself on the ground next to JJ. She turned onto her left shoulder to face JJ. She grabbed the end of her comforter in her right hand and draped her arm and the comforter across JJ’s back. 

Silently celebrating her achievement to not wake JJ up, she promptly fell asleep next to the younger child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I take suggestions.


	9. Weighted Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings - None?

The next morning Emily woke up to a heavy weight on her chest. At some point in the night, JJ must have woken up again and determined that Emily made a good pillow. She looked down and rather than find a mass of blonde hair, she found JJ’s blanket wrapped around her head and upper torso like a cocoon. Then she felt JJ’s right leg kick down from her waist and strike her left hip bone. Then she felt JJ’s head curl into her chest and saw the blanket get pulled tighter around JJ. Quickly, she deduced that JJ was probably in the middle of a nightmare and had woken her up. 

Gently, she wrapped one arm around JJ and used her other to push herself into a seated position against the closet wall. Once comfortable, she found the edge of JJ’s blanket and pulled it down until she exposed JJ’s face. 

JJ’s eyes were scrunched shut and she appeared to be biting her bottom lip to keep from making any noise. It was disheartening to Emily that JJ had already learned behavior cultivated from fear of repercussion. 

She used her free hand that wasn’t supporting JJ and gently held JJ’s head close to her chest while she rocked them side to side while she felt JJ starting to wake up in her arms. 

When JJ woke up, she leaned back from Emily’s chest and sat tense in Emily’s lap. Her thumb found its way back into her mouth and her fingers played with the blanket pulled around her shoulders while her eyes kept nervously darting from Emily to the bedroom and to the floor. 

Emily found the discarded pacifier on the ground and replaced JJ’s thumb with it to start breaking the habit of sucking her thumb. Aside from that, Emily didn’t do much else to JJ. Instead she sat and allowed the young girl to explore her newfound freedom. 

They sat for a while, almost to the point where Emily thought she was going to have to make the first move. She could hear the rest of the household waking up and moving around in the hallways and downstairs. JJ heard it too because she remained tense in Emily’s lap, constantly watching the door to their bedroom for any movement. But when JJ realized none of the footsteps settled outside their bedroom door, her shoulders began to slowly release their tension. 

Hesitantly, JJ looked up at Emily before quickly looking away and then slowly looking back toward Emily. Then, cautiously, JJ climbed off of Emily’s lap, watching her the entire time for any signs of disapproval, and then walked into their bedroom to the foot of her own bed. She ruffled around in her bag she had brought with her before pulling out a blue dress and a pull-up. 

Then she turned back toward Emily and silently held them out to her as if asking for assistance. Emily beamed proudly in encouragement and gave herself a mental pat on the back for hopefully gaining JJ’s trust. Then she picked herself up off the closet floor and walked out toward JJ. 

She helped JJ get ready for the day and completed the ensemble with a headband style braid and a single ponytail. Then she quickly got herself ready for school. 

Once ready, she slung her backpack over one shoulder and placed JJ on her hip. Then she carried JJ downstairs to grab breakfast with the others. 

Downstairs, Derek was just exiting his bedroom when Emily and JJ passed by. She felt JJ burrow herself into her shoulder but otherwise remained silent. 

Haley was at the island counter making plates of breakfast for the kids as they came into the kitchen. She smiled at Emily and JJ but it quickly disappeared when she spotted Derek trailing behind. Derek hadn’t talked to them since yesterday’s discussion after dinner, but this morning she noticed Derek appeared withdrawn and tense. But her concern intensified tenfold when she watched him wince while settling onto a stool. She looked behind her toward her husband to see if he observed what he had. He was still on the phone with Rossi but the crease in his forehead and the sharp eye he kept on Derek assured her that he had seen what she had. She made a mental note to speak with him about it the next time they were alone. 

Unfortunately, that time-frame disappeared when Hotch ended his phone call and gave her one of his sympathetic ‘we-have-a-case’ looks. She hated those looks. She closed her eyes and sighed silently. If she could pinch the bridge of her nose without the kids noticing, then she would. 

She felt Hotch walk behind her and place his hands on her hips before kissing the back of her head. “I’m sorry.” She heard him whisper to only her. 

She turned around in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You’re always sorry. Can’t you tell Rossi that you have a new foster child that you need to stay home with?”

Hotch released a breath of frustration. They always had this conversation. “You know I would if I could but this job needs me. I can’t just not show up for a case. Besides, we both know that JJ isn’t ready to get to know me yet.”

“No,” she agreed with him, “but it would help the process if she at least grew familiar with an adult male in the house. You’re going to leave and we don’t know when you’re coming back and we’re going to have to start all over with her.” Hotch closed his eyes and sighed. “Plus, I know you see that something is going on with Derek.”

“You’re right.” Hotch conceded. “I wish there was some way I could stay around and help out but you know there’s not.”

“Fine,” Haley dropped her arms from around his neck and gestured to the front door. “Good luck with the case.”

“Haley..” he tried to pull her back toward him but she shrugged him off. He pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded silently. He resigned and muttered, “Okay, I’ll be available by phone.” 

Then he grabbed his keys from the hook along the wall and waved goodbye to all the kids before making his way to work. 

Haley kept her back to the kids while she chewed her lip and shook her head in frustration. She couldn’t fault him for being loyal to his job, but sometimes she honestly hated his job. With one final deep breath, she exhaled and turned back toward the kids. “Okay, finish getting ready and grab your bags. The school bus should be here in about five minutes. Only two more days left of school.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we're gonna introduce Rossi in the next chapter which is gonna kick off a case that's gonna play a pivotal role in a large portion of this story. Derek's storyline is gonna start developing a little more too. 
> 
> Let me know if there's anything/anyone you want to read. 
> 
> Sorry this chapter was kinda weak. It's coming up on one year since I was sexually assaulted and my psychologist "closed" my file so I'm no longer seeing her. Then I was driving and saw a car fire and stopped and got the driver out and he literally died while I was trying to help him - like I felt him take his last breath (ish - he's alive right now cause of CPR after the fact but the feeling is still weird.). The passenger didn't make it. It's been weighing on me heavily this past week and I just needed to write something. I'll try and get this story up and running with actual content soon, I understand it's been very bleh lately but we're finally on day two so I'll try and speed it up from here.


	10. Wheels Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Mentions of murder (case)

“So we have a case.” Rossi started. 

“Yeah.” Hotch answered. 

“I bet Haley wasn’t too happy about that.” Rossi began suggesting in an attempt to explore into Hotch's home life. 

“No.” Hotch resolved. Not to be bothered by Rossi’s inquiry, but he didn’t feel now was the best time to be talking about his relationship. “Last night I got a phone call from Tom Shaunessy - the lead detective on the Boston Reaper case.”

“I remember that case.” Rossi supplied. “It was shortly after I went into my first retirement. That case was never solved, was it?” 

Hotch sighed. “No. I’ve recently been informed that The Reaper had sent a letter to Detective Shaunessy detailing that he would stop killing if we shut down the case and we never heard from The Reaper again.”

Rossi nodded. “So why are we opening the case back up now?”

“Last night Detective Shaunessy called me,” Hotch started, “he told me that he felt like he was being watched by The Reaper since the deal and believed the killings would restart when he died.” Hotch ran a hand down his face while sighing. “This morning I received a phone call from Boston PD. Detective Shaunessy passed away earlier this morning. Subsequently, Evan Harvey and Nina Hale were found dead after their car was pulled over with a flat tire with the same MO as The Reaper.”

“What makes authorities believe it’s not a copycat?” Rossi asked. 

“The timing, mostly.”

“Sounds like we need to brief the rest of the team.” Rossi tipped his head toward the briefing room while starting in that direction. 

\------ 

Later, on the jet, Rossi sat across from Hotch and studied the morose man in front of him. He took a sip of his coffee before starting, "So I hear you got a new charge yesterday." 

"Yeah, her name is JJ." Hotch's lips upturned slightly. 

"So why the serious face?" The older man began, "Usually you're pretty excited when a new charge comes in. Is she causing problems?" 

"No." Hotch answered quickly and assertively. "She's great, a little shy but nothing I haven't handled before." 

"So why did I come over here to find you looking so pensive?" One thing Hotch learned about Rossi throughout the years was that Rossi's curiosity was never settled until he had all the answers. One of the few annoying but remarkable things about the man. It's also the identifying trait that consequently labeled him as the office gossip by his peers. 

"I don't know." The foster father sighed. "Something is going on with Derek and I have a suspicion that the answer isn't going to be one I like." 

"Something like?" Rossi trailed for Hotch to elaborate. 

"I think Derek is getting himself into trouble at the group center he attends after school." Hotch paused and noted that Rossi didn't verbally question him further but his eyebrow raised as if asking for more details. He ran a hand down his face. "He's been moodier lately - more aggressive. And he refuses to follow directions or help out with the younger kids." 

"Well, I don't know much about raising kids, but maybe he's just becoming a teenage boy." Rossi reasoned. 

Hotch shook his head 'no.' "There's more too it but I don't know what. He's always been a good kid. Haley thinks he's in trouble but I'm afraid to think he's getting into fights." 

"What is your gut telling you?" 

"I don't know." Hotch paused. "Yesterday he came home with blood on his clothes but we didn't see any bruises or cuts on him." 

Rossi watched him with something akin to somber empathy but didn't provide his suspicions immediately. Instead he cautiously supplied, "You know Derek better than anyone else, he's been in your care for four years now, I think you of all people know what's going on with him. Whether you want to admit it or not, sometimes the toughest answers require the toughest questions." 

Hotch nodded pensively. He whispered more to himself than anyone else, "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know. I didn't want to leave y'all hanging for forever. Let me know if y'all've any thoughts, suggestions, and/or preferences!


	11. Vile Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PAY ATTENTION TO THE WARNINGS IN THE TAGS TO THE LAST SECTION. 
> 
> Warnings: Minor drug use by a minor (marijuana)/sexual abuse of a minor

The next day, back home, Haley stayed home with JJ and set about organizing JJ's belongings in her room as well as finding suitable clothing for her to wear until Hotch returned home and she could go shopping. She found clothing from previous fosters and from the children who had since outgrown them. 

During which time, JJ was sitting on the bedroom floor with a box of crayons and a color book. She remained quiet after the other kids left for school but otherwise didn't try and hide. Haley considered that progress from the previous day.

After she was done sorting clothing for JJ, she returned downstairs with JJ to make lunch for the children coming home after their half day at school. They only had two more days of school in which the older kids took their final tests and the younger kids waited out the school year. Spencer, Penelope, and Jack would be coming home together on the bus after school but Derek had to stay for Spring training and Emily told Haley she would be hanging out with some of her friends. 

After making lunch, she checked on JJ in the living room and found her newest charge asleep underneath the coffee table. Not wanting to wake the young girl, she grabbed the stuffed lion that was laying just out of the child's reach and gently placed the stuffed animal next to JJ's chin. Subconsciously, JJ reached out and pulled the stuffed animal under her blanket and into her chest. 

During that time, the front door opened to her three younger children and she greeted them with a finger to her lips and a wave to the kitchen. The children shuffled along and set their bags along the table. 

While placing their lunches in front of them, Jack looked up at her with a friend, "Is daddy home yet?" 

"No sweetie," she caressed the back of his head, "Daddy's away at work." 

"He's never home." Jack moaned begrudgingly with his arms crossed. 

"I know, sweetie. Maybe we can call him tonight before bed." Haley hated having to answer to her husband's actions. She had repeatedly asked him to take time off to spend time with Jack and his other children but he continued to excuse his work as being too important to take time off. She argued that the children's wellbeing was imperative but Aaron continued to dismiss her. She was beginning to have doubts about whether Aaron actually cared about herself or the rest of the household. She tried to reassure her that he did the best he could but she continued to emphasise that the best way to teach children about love was to be there for them and that his absence wasn't understood by the younger children. 

Haley heard shuffling in the hallway and turned to see JJ walking sleepily down the hallway toward the dining room. She was rubbing her eyes until she stood in front of Haley and then held her arms up to be picked up. Haley's heart swelled as JJ voluntarily asked to be picked up by her. The entire morning consisted of Haley asking JJ if it was okay to pick her up before going up and down the stairs. Immediately Haley picked JJ up and settled her on her hip. 

During that time, the phone rang and Jack jumped from his chair while chanting, "I'll get it! I'll get it!", with some inkling of hope that his father was calling to talk to him. 

"Hello?" Jack asked enthusiastically. 

"Hello." The man on the other end of the line answered. "Who is this?" 

"My name is Jack! Who is this?" Jack answered easily. 

Haley tensed at her son's candor with the person on the other end of the line. She routinely told the children not to answer the front door or provide their names to strangers. Her son's admission provided her with insight that she needed to address the conversation of "stranger danger" with her younger children again. She walked toward her son and indicated for him to give her the phone. 

Jack spoke into the phone one final time answering the person on the other end of the line, "my dad's not here right now but my mom is," before handing the phone to his mother. 

"Hello?" Haley spoke into the phone. 

She was met with the sound of another individual breathing into the line but no verbal indication of acknowledgement. "Hello?" She tried again but the response she received was the sound of the dial tone ringing in her ear.

She placed the phone back on the cradle and turned toward her son. She tried to keep the concern out of her voice, "Jack, sweetie, who was that?" 

"I dunno." He shrugged. "He was asking if daddy was home." Then Jack skipped back to the table with Spencer and Penelope to finish his lunch. 

Haley sighed and ran her free hand up and down JJ's back in an attempt to steady her restless hands. She would speak with Aaron tonight about the phone call and if he knew anything about it. 

\--

Meanwhile, outside the local high school, Emily set her bookbag in the back of Matthew's friends' car. 

"You should sit up front, love." The other boy, introduced to her as Ian Doyle coaxed. He smiled and winked at her. 

Matthew faux grumbled and mumbled about being forced into the back. He heard Ian laugh from the driver's seat before revving the engine and taking off toward an abandoned warehouse in the warehouse district about five minutes from the high school. 

Emily followed Ian and Matthew through the warehouse doors and noticed multiple sleeping bags and piles of clothes strewn around. 

"Ah, don't worry about 'em." Ian indicated toward the makeshift sleeping quarters. "'Ey usually don't start coming back until closer to dark. Just don't touch their stuff and they won't care why you're here." 

They settled down in an empty corner and Ian pulled out a plastic baggie of what Emily assumed was marijuana. She hadn't seen any before today but she heard talk around the school from other kids that smoked on the regular. 

She watched Ian roll the leaves into a joint and light the end before exhaling a cloud to his side. Ian took another drag while watching Emily's reaction. He grinned around the joint before wordlessly offering it to Emily. 

She looked at the joint momentarily, glanced at Matthew for a second as if seeking his reaction, then back toward the joint. Cautiously she reached for it and then flipped it around toward her. She inhaled deeply and then pulled the joint toward her lips. She sucked in briefly and immediately began coughing. 

In front of her, Ian and Matthew were chuckling softly. "Gotta start small, love." Ian said. 

Once she got her breathing under control, she tried again and inhaled once, exhaled, and then inhaled deeper a second time. On the second drag, she made eye contact with Ian and he appeared to be smiling proudly at her. She grinned as she exhaled and handed him the joint back. 

Already she felt the tension in her muscles releasing and she felt warm and fuzzy inside. Here she didn't have to worry about the other kids and her company appeared to actually accept her and encourage her. The lack of responsibility was freeing and she yearned for more moments like this. 

For the next hour, they passed the joint between each other while sharing stories and other nonsense. Emily found herself actually enjoying the company of Ian and surprisingly hoped for future encounters with him. 

\-- 

Meanwhile, back at the school, Derek was just finishing his after practice shower and leaving the locker room when he heard Coach Buford call from behind him. Solemnly, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he exhaled and turned around. He greeted Coach Buford with a flaccid smile but his eyes echoed of past encounters. 

"Derek, my boy, can I see you in my office to talk about practice?" Derek's stomach turned and bile rose quickly toward the back of his throat. Coach Buford was only employing a front for listening stragglers, but Derek really knew what went on behind closed doors. His hands clenched to quell their shaking. He nodded once and followed Coach Buford into his office. 

Inside, Coach Buford locked the door and turned toward Derek in the center of the room. "I've been speaking with some college prospects. I know it's a little early to be making college decisions but I'm working on getting you the best. These scouts talk. The earlier they start hearing about you, the better chance bigger schools will take an interest in recruiting you."

If Derek wasn't downtrodden with the knowledge of how his name came to be in these Scouts eyes, he'd be tearing through these hallways racing back home to tell Hotch. Instead, all he felt was acid churning inside his stomach. He simply nodded in response. 

"You know I'd do anything for you, boy." Coach Buford continued. "I look at you as if you were my own and I only want the best for you. But I can find others, raise them up like I raised you. These Scouts don't come around for no reason and they'll be quick to dismiss you if you don't give them one. You want to get out of here, don't you, boy?" 

Derek closed his eyes and nodded once again.

"You know that doesn't come without a price." 

Derek inhaled, waiting for the inevitable moment it would feel like he couldn't breathe. He felt, more than heard, Coach Buford move toward him in the room. Then two rough, calloused hands pressed firmly onto his shoulders. He exhaled for what felt like the final time. Those hands traveled down his chest toward the button of his jeans. Once undone, he felt the hands on his hips turning him around. 

"You know the only way to get anywhere is with me." Coach Buford whispered in his ear. 

His stomach rolled and his hands were clammy with sweat. His skin felt like spiders were trickling across his skin and leaving spindles of rancid venom in their wake. 

This couldn't continue forever, he kept telling himself. 

Could it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to make Derek's chapter explicit in the present tense but future chapters may include graphic recollections of the events.


End file.
